The 18th of August

I wonder if he thinks about me today. I honestly doubt it. He moved right on into the arms of our friend. He didn't spend time alone. He went on to have a child. Something he told me he never wanted. I wasn't good enough. Not good enough to tell her "no", to tell our marriage "yes". I asked him, toward the end, to give our marriage a chance by stopping to see her. He said "no".

Over the last week, the vows we made kept creeping into my thoughts. I pushed them away. I remember looking into his eyes as we said our promises. But, he changed his mind. He changed his mind about his marriage to me and having children. It continues, to this day, to break my heart.

He promised to spend his life with me. He didn't. He promised to love and support me. He didn't. He had a lot of my sentimental belongings that he said he would eventually give back to me. He didn't. He was supposed to get my things from his mothers house, he didn't. On a side note, his mother never spoke to me again, even though she'd known me since I was 14, and I was a part of her family for over a decade, I held the hand of her husband, my father in law, as he died because she was too afraid. She never responded to my birthday or Christmas cards I sent. So, I just don't send them anymore. He said he would give me my kitty back, if ever he needed to be rid of him. He didn't. He gave my cat to his friend because I am sure the kitty was a last reminder of the life him and I shared, and they needed to erase me completely. He recently contacted a lawyer to get a hold of me regarding our car titles, didn't even email/text/call me himself, because, still, I am not worthy of a simple or seemingly gentle email.

Today was my wedding anniversary. Now, it is a day that reminds me of profound loss. My life has never been the same since. I am broken and damaged.