How can love hurt and feel so amazing all at the same time? How does this dichotomy exist? How can something that we have been gifted with hurt so badly? How can it cause me to feel so alive? These questions rattling around in my head.
I got married, very young. It was not a mistake. No, I would not have done it differently. I know I would not be who I am today without Andrew. He loved and supported me as I became an adult. We loved and supported each other. We were children when we got married, we were adults when we got divorced.
Children love like children, this is a truth that doesn't completely make sense to me yet. However, I now see love as far more complex than I did at 20, and I expect I will feel differently again as I get older. But, at 31, things have changed. As a child, I saw love as simple, easy, and a right that was mine to take. As an adult, love is hard, it takes work, and it is my responsibility to give as much as I receive, and maybe sometimes, give more. Sure, there are times when it all comes easy, and Lord knows, I relish those moments, but they are fleeting.
My relationship now is not easy in the least. We have been through more trials and tribulations that I care to count, and sadly, I know there will be more to come. Why do I continue in such madness? Is is as simple as I love him? Am I crazy? Stupid? All of the above? Probably. Somehow, I don't seem to have power over this thing called love. And I am OK with that. Does it cause me grief? Hell yes. Does it bring me joy? Also, Hell yes! What can any of us do when we are hopelessly in love?
I suppose I will continue to simply let Life unfold in front of me. The dreams that float around in my head are at least worth trying. This is how I honor Divine Intervention, I try and be open to the possibility of life. The area of Love is something I keep learning about, new lessons, new ideas, new paths. I suppose all we can do is just have faith.
