Fellow Human, I know what you are going to say. This time, please don't.
Being single sucks! And while I know all you partnered humans are going to tell me that partnership also has its points of sucking - I assure you, it is different.
Most days I can carry on with my life just fine. It is in the finer details of life that I get filled with sadness and frustration with a lack of a partner. And I mean, a partner in the non-intimate sense - I'll get to that later.
I have been really, really sick this last week, and when that happens, I become acutely aware of how single I am. Shall I paint you a picture, fellow human?
Picture a fever of 102, you can only think 1 thought at a time, you can barely make it into the bathroom, and on the way, you stumble into the wall, holding on and praying you don't fall and pass out. You wonder if you will make it back into bed. Of course, there's no one around to check on you. That thought alone fills you with anxiety. But, thankfully, you make it back into bed, and pass out from the exhaustion of just going to the bathroom. Well meaning, and very dear friends, text you, wishing you wellness and healing. One or two ask if I need anything, but pride always wins the day with "no, I'm fine, thank you." Besides, I would only barely make it to the door, and I certainly can't entertain guests, and I truly do not wish this illness on anyone.
I wake up a day or so later with excruciating pain in my ear. I have to go a doctor, and I am wondering how?! I argue with the receptionist, they are insisting I stay home, which I understand is protocol for the flu, but this is now a flu complication- ear infection, that I will need antibiotics for. I resign myself to going to urgent care. Keep in mind, dear reader, that I still am in fever land, and am still alone. But I have to take myself to the doctor, and likely to a pharmacy.
Long story short, I deliriously drive myself to the doctor and then to the pharmacy. The pharmacist asked "did you drive yourself? Do you live close by?" Clearly, I should not be out driving. I looked in the mirror - I was grey.
So, besides the obvious - when you are single and sick, you're on your own. Those finer details I mentioned? You've had a long day, week, month, year, and it would be really great if someone else got dinner started and made. Or, could someone else please take the trash to the curb tonight? No? OK, well, I'll get it next week, I'm just too tired. Can't someone else go to the grocery store? Sure would be nice if someone else were here to help pay all these bills and the rent.
And those intimate parts? Having someone to talk to at the end of the day? Having another human touch you, you getting to touch another human being? Yeah, I don't have that. You partnered people need to not take these things for granted. I am touch starved. Aching to connect mentally and physically to another human being. You have no idea how this feels. The loneliness of singlehood is painful. It aches deep inside my bones. The longing is unending.
But I can't stay too long in that place of longing, so I push it aside, and go on with the day to day. Though, it seeps itself into my waking thoughts more often than I'd like. But alas, what choice do I have? Carry on.
