2014, A Year in Review

With the end of 2014 looming close by, I thought it would be a perfect time to do some thinking and reflecting.

The beginning of the year found me still teaching 1st grade. While I loved my colleagues, the families, and especially the little children that greeted me with their hugs and smiles, I found myself becoming more an more unhappy with where the building as a whole was headed. It broke my heart to see the unfortunate and sad changes that were being made, and ultimately led to my decision to leave the first grade classroom (more on this later.)

This year, I took my first international trip to the beautiful Tlaxcala, Mexico for Spring break. I went with my very dear friends, Julia and Luis, who held me in my fears of flying, and everything in general I suppose. While I am feardul of most things, I continue to say "YES" to new adventures, which I believe is a good quality in myself. While in Tlaxcala, I stayed with the Dear Nava's, whose loving kindness cannot be measured. The biggest lesson came from Hugo, "don't be afraid, have courage." I am sure he didn't realize the impact that simple statement would have on me. A statement I won't soon forget. While I was nervous most of the time, and then got a sick "international tummy", I enjoyed the trip immensely.

As the school year inched slowly to a close, I started packing up my classroom. Boxing away the last 3 years. Then, the week before school got out, my life changed dramatically. I became deathly ill. It started out simply enough, a weird pain in my side that didn't let up, went to the ER, they said I had a bit of a kidney stone, told me I would need to contact a dr, and sent me home. Within a few hours of being home, my temperature reached 103 degrees. Needless to say, I was back in the hospital, where I went into toxic shock syndrome. The "bit of a kidney stone" was almost a centimeter across and blocked the function of my right kidney, and when they pulled the stone out, all the toxic yuck was spilled into my system, causing an extreme infection in my whole body. I was technically unconscious but could hear the doctors talk about how they needed to contact the CDC, because they couldn't find an antibiotic to fight the infection. I was dying, and I knew it. I have never felt so vulnerable and weak. Words cannot describe it. I forced myself to lean over on the cell (which took every drop of energy) phone to call my Mom, to tell her that I was going to die, and that I loved her and wanted to make sure she would tell everyone else I loved them. Strangely, I was perfectly at peace with all of that. Miraculously, the doctors found a medicine (the 5th drug) that began to fight the infection, and so would begin my summer of injecting myself into a port in my arm that led to my heart, for almost 5 weeks of antibiotics 3 times a day. A slow, 2 surgeries in all, an exhausting recovery took place. I am so blessed for the doctors who took care of me, and my family and friends who saw me through this. For the first time, as I lay in the hospital bed watching the sunrise, I realized I need to slow down and appreciate the little things.

Shortly after I got the port out of my arm removed, I was invited to go on a "real" camping trip with my lovely friend, Jay. Of course, being the nervous wreck that I am, I agreed without hesitation! I was told there was a bit of a hike. FALSE! It was straight the fuck UP, FOREVER. I am not what one would call "in shape" and after being sick for what seemed to be an eternity, it took me longer than time itself to climb up to the lake. But victory would be mine, along the side of dear Jay who stopped with me along the way so I wouldn't die alone. What a serene place it was. The sweet scent of Oregon forest, the crystal clear waters of Buck Lake, the diamonds that shone at night, and new friends who made me laugh so hard, that peeing and pooping in the open woods into a hole you dug yourself, became the "spirit quest" I was in desperate need of.

My summer break was nonexistent with the exception of that camping trip. So, when a new school year was to start, I felt fairly cheated. Sadness overtook me for a time. I was missing my teacher partner terribly and was scared to face a school year without him. Though, I was excited for the new adventure of middle school and returning to the world of special ed. I cried in the car on the first day of school. I was terrified. SO many changes so fast! When the students arrived, the old familiar feeling of "Pro" returned. I found most things came naturally. While I continue to learn on a daily basis, my love of these students is profound and real.

This is the first year of my life without a boyfriend. I just realized this as I am typing. How strange. While I have had my fair share of adventures in that more personal area, no significant romantic relationship to speak of. Though I long to find courage to face true feelings, as of now, I am independent of a relationship. I still find myself yearning for things past, I suppose there is no time like the present to let go, though it still breaks my heart if I think about it for too long.

Finally, 2014 brought about much time for personal reflection. Many changes that have been mostly embraced. Therefore, dear reader, I leave you with the wish of a happy, strong, and positive new year for you and yours. Cheers!