I Went to Church Today

Today I went to church.  I think the last time I stepped foot inside a church was about 7 months ago… just as I was starting to seek answers for my broken marriage.  Alas, I was met by people who seemed more concerned about my weight and appearance (a topic for another entry, I’m sure) than they did about my need for spiritual healing.  Needless to say, I felt as though I had hit a roadblock.  This church was my home church, where my husband and I had become members. But, like many things we shared together, this was going to have to be another thing to let go of.

I went to a new church today and I listened to Dr. Marcus Borg deliver the sermon. His birthday is today, and he turned 70. His message was that the Christian faith is simply one of many that brings people closer to God, and that for him, Christianity is home. It was that phrase, “Christianity is home”, that echoed in my heart. And, being the season of Lent, he spoke about the mortal man, and how we rarely remember to see our death, not as scary, but as wisdom. Wisdom to know that each moment is a gift. He finally ended with the message that Jesus trumps the Bible, and sometimes the Bible is wrong, and in that instance, Jesus trumps the bible verse that is sometimes used to divide us.

The main point of this entry is my realization that my Christianity is home to me.  It is always where I end up when I feel broken, betrayed, & hurt. I find myself lamenting to God through the tears that run down my face. It is there, that I find the most comfort, even if, sometimes, I don’t think anyone is out there, and I am just a crazy woman talking to myself.

Maybe just embracing myself as the crazy woman would make this journey a lot easier. Sigh. Dearest Reader, I leave you with the Lenten question of, what happens when this waking life is finished? For I am scared to fucking death, so to speak.